It was about this time of year, two years ago, that I was playing this same waiting game. A friend of mine gave me a certain boy's phone number with the simple promise that he was "the one" for me. Of course that boy was Conor. He lived in California and I lived in Portland. I knew there was a chance she could be wrong but I sent him a text anyway. He sent one back. Soon enough we started sending random text messages daily. I remember getting a stupid grin on my face every time my phone would light up. This went on for months. It was exciting to get to know someone without ever meeting them in person or talking to them on the phone. I started to fall for my "text messaging boyfriend" as the people around me soon started to call him. It felt like a huge mysterious secret and I loved it! One night in November we finally talked on the phone. It was weird to hear his voice for the first time. This person I knew so much about didn't have a voice until then. We confessed in that conversation that we really liked each other and decided we should probably meet in person.
That night I wrote Conor a letter in my journal:
You are coming to my house to meet me for the first time in 10 days. I am so nervous to meet you. I am writing you this love letter to tell you how much I loved you before I ever even met you. So someday, if we get married, you can read this letter to our kids or grandkids. Conor, I loved you after the first text message you sent me. I looked forward to every message from then on. Even at three in the morning your messages would make me laugh out loud. When I accidentally wrote "mits you" and you responded "gloves you" I knew you were meant for me. Tonight when we talked on the phone about our families and church and how our day went I felt like we had been friends forever. I seriously can't wait to meet you. I know so much about you already. You hate eggs and onions, you love dancing and being silly, you work hard and love to spend time with your family. But I don't know how your mouth moves when you speak or what you do when you get nervous. I'm looking forward to finding these things out. I love you Conor. Love Jane
Conor came to Portland a few days earlier than we had planned to surprise me. I remember the night he walked up the steps of my front porch and I saw my husband for the first time. I remember shaking. Literally. I was so nervous and excited and in love I couldn't hold still. It was freezing outside and he had a thin denim jacket on. I immediately took him into my arms and well... you know how the story ends. Later in my journal I wrote, "Conor does a funny little dance when he can't think of anything to say. He pops his thumb knuckles constantly - even in his sleep. He's very good at finding his way around and it seems like he can't get lost. He thinks I am very funny and tells me I am beautiful. I love kissing him."
The anticipation I have about meeting our son for the first time in a few short days far exceeds that feeling I had two years ago. I am so much more in love with him and even more with Conor than I could have imagined back then. I feel like I already know this sweet spirit so well. We have been secretly communicating for months - just me and him. His little kicks make me laugh and I have started to be able to anticipate when he will get restless. But, I know there is so much more to discover, so much I don't know. Like how his little mouth will move when he starts to speak or what he will do when he gets scared. I am so looking forward to finding these little things out. I hope he is like his daddy and comes a few days early. But if not, I will continue to patiently play this waiting game because I know it is worth it.
Baby, We are so ready to meet you. We love you so much already and can't wait to love you more. Please come soon. We have all the things that you could possibly need and so much love to give you. Love mom and dad